Have you ever heard the question: what’s your status? Before meeting a man named Noah I never had. Apparently it is a question asking about your dating status. I don’t think that my generation ever used that one. To better understand Noah we worked together overnight at Kohl’s. He was my supervisor. He wasn’t white. Honestly I’m not sure what ethnicity he belonged to. Don’t get me wrong he was a cool guy, very nice, and very polite. He was the ideal 1980’s cool dude living in the year 2005. Just a few years off. He wore tight jeans and a wife beater tank top all the time. Had to show off the guns I guess. He was a very open trusting person. Especially with me. I heard his dating life story all the time. He basically had none. But it was always fun to listen to his quirky stories. Stories like the one girl that he went out with that made him sing Michael Jackson songs while she played with a Michael Jackson doll. Yeah weird kinky stuff like that. I was fresh out of high school. Innocence destroyed by hearing stories of Michael Jackson dolls.
So that is the type of person Noah is. He had a huge crush on the daytime managers. Particularly two of them. Kendra and Julianne. One night I was putting away shoes in the shoe department…obviously. Anyway, Julianne was the closing manager and as she was passing by she stopped and said hi and asked how I was doing and how my day went. It was a little weird and creepy for me because she was always known as a very strict mean manager who was ruthless and ruled with an iron fist. So her showing nice-ness to me scared me. I wasn’t sure if I was doing something wrong and she was just warming me up to shoot me down. So I said that I was good and my day was good. She just said that was nice and went on. Phew. Dodged a bullet that I didn’t know I needed to dodge. After she walked on, Noah came creeping up. “Hey, Lawrence, come here.” So I snuck over to Noah and asked what’s up. He then asked me, “Do you know Julianne’s status?” I looked at him confused. “What? Her status? What do you mean her status?” “You know her status. Is she married, single, dating, boyfriend, that stuff.” I laughed. “I have no idea Noah, I don’t think that she’s married,” then a lightbulb popped on in my head. “Do you want me to find out for you?” This got Noah excited. “Hey, yeah, could you do that for me?” “Sure thing Noah, no problem.” We went back to work and I ran over to Randy and told him about Noah’s what’s your status question. We laughed and it was an inside joke for us overnighters.
A few days later Randy and I worked some overtime and Julianne was the opening manager that day. That means that she was the one to check us out of the store. I remembered my promise to Noah to find out her “status”, so I told Randy to brace himself for what I was about to do. Randy looked at me funny then caught on to what I was getting at. So we came up to check out of the store, just Randy and I. Julianne was waiting at the front register with her clipboard and pen ready to go. I went up first. She said hi and was hunched over checking off everything clearing that I didn’t steal any new clothes. As she was writing stuff I popped the question. I wasn’t very confident the first time that I asked and it was more of a weak squeak. “Julianne…what’s your status?” The pen stopped abruptly. She was still looking down and Randy’s eyes got big. I braced myself for what was to come. Here I was a 19 year old kid, and she was my 28 year old boss, she held the power to end my career stocking product at night gig. She looked up at me and her face was blushed, she was either flattered or infuriated, I was too young and dumb to be able to decifer a womans reaction. “What?” She looked at me quizzically. I cleared my throat and collected myself. “What’s your status?” She just kept looking at me. I felt so retarded, but the question was already out there my line was in the water and I was fighting for a bite. So I had no choice but to go all the way.
Randy was staying back and trying to keep from laughing. She put her hands on her hips and looked at me raising a brow. “What do you mean my status?” She might as well snapped her fingers back and forth with that sassy way that girls get ready to tear someone apart. “You know…your status.” She leaned forward. “My work status?” I knew that no matter what I said I was screwed. So I went in for the kill. I collected myself again and put on that Wortham charm. I had my normal savior-faire. “It’s ok Julianne, we can talk about your status over dinner sometime, if our schedules work out.” She had nothing to say back to that one. Her jaw hit the ground. I had the upper hand now! Element of suprise! I had to quickly gathered my things, gave her a nice sincere smile, and started for the door. I could hear Randy’s jaw hit the ground and him start laughing. I was not even halfway to the door when I could hear Julianne’s high heels click quickly up behind me on the tile floor. There was no way that I was going to make it to the door in time. I was screwed.
“Uh, Lawrence…what do you mean my status?” She caught up and was walking beside me. Randy was following behind eavesdropping to see what would happen. “Julianne it’s ok, I understand…we can discuss it more later over dinner, I’m kind of tired from working so hard.” We stepped out the first set of doors. “Wait. What? What do you mean?” She was so confused and taken aback that she didn’t know what to think. I continued to keep walking because I knew that I had to get out of that situation before she collected herself and killed me. I could feel the her wrath coming. That insane crazy boss lady wrath that everyone always talked about. Finally I reached my car. “I work the rest of the week, so we can talk about it then?” She was still freaking with confusion. “We’ll talk about this later.” She turned around and walked back into the store scratching her head. Randy was busting up laughing. “You are dead man.”
That night I came back into work and Kendra was the manager closing. When she was checking us in she pulled me aside and asked what I did to freak Julianne out so much. I explained the situation to Kendra and she laughed about it. She said that day Julianne was a wreck. She was so confused about what I did. That night I told Noah about what happened. He was relieved that he didn’t ask, but still wanted to know what her status was. We worked like normal throughout the night. In the morning guess who was the opening manager. Julianne. I saw her come in from across the store and ducked behind a clothing fixture. I crawled over to where Randy was in another department. “Randy…Julianne is opening! I’m screwed.” Randy just laughed. Well I successfully avoided Julianne until it was time to go. She had to check me out of the store. I was the last one out. As I walked up to the register she was waiting. “Ok…Lawrence…we need to talk.” I smiled. “Sure. About what? Did I forget to do something before leaving?” Play dumb. The only thing that I could come up with…idiot. “Lawrence, we can’t date. I have to make that clear. It’s not appropriate for managers to be going out to dinner with associates.” I looked at her a little confused but at the same time a look like, oh, ok I know what you’re saying. “Yeah, that’s too bad then. Noah was really hoping to take you out.” I caught her off guard again! “Wait. What?” I had her again! “Yeah, Noah was wanting to take you out to dinner.” She was starting to lose it again. “What?” I put on my charm again. “Look Julianne, it wouldn’t ever work out between us. I’m only 19 and you’re way out of my league…besides you’re my manager. How weird would that be? I told Noah that I would ask you what your status is.” What was I doing? I figured that my job had to of been on thin ice now. She just looked at me…confused. She had nothing to say or she was so much in shock that she couldn’t say anything. She finally said, “Well you know that we…that managers and associates…” I waved my hand. “I understand.” I started heading out. “So, Julianne…what should I tell Noah?” “Tell him what I told you.” I thought for a second. “Well…are you married?” She sighed, laughed, and said that she wasn’t married. Mission accomplished. What is your status? Not married. There you go Noah. Not married. Whip out the Michael Jackson doll and do your thing. I’m not hitting on managers for others again.
So that is the type of person Noah is. He had a huge crush on the daytime managers. Particularly two of them. Kendra and Julianne. One night I was putting away shoes in the shoe department…obviously. Anyway, Julianne was the closing manager and as she was passing by she stopped and said hi and asked how I was doing and how my day went. It was a little weird and creepy for me because she was always known as a very strict mean manager who was ruthless and ruled with an iron fist. So her showing nice-ness to me scared me. I wasn’t sure if I was doing something wrong and she was just warming me up to shoot me down. So I said that I was good and my day was good. She just said that was nice and went on. Phew. Dodged a bullet that I didn’t know I needed to dodge. After she walked on, Noah came creeping up. “Hey, Lawrence, come here.” So I snuck over to Noah and asked what’s up. He then asked me, “Do you know Julianne’s status?” I looked at him confused. “What? Her status? What do you mean her status?” “You know her status. Is she married, single, dating, boyfriend, that stuff.” I laughed. “I have no idea Noah, I don’t think that she’s married,” then a lightbulb popped on in my head. “Do you want me to find out for you?” This got Noah excited. “Hey, yeah, could you do that for me?” “Sure thing Noah, no problem.” We went back to work and I ran over to Randy and told him about Noah’s what’s your status question. We laughed and it was an inside joke for us overnighters.
A few days later Randy and I worked some overtime and Julianne was the opening manager that day. That means that she was the one to check us out of the store. I remembered my promise to Noah to find out her “status”, so I told Randy to brace himself for what I was about to do. Randy looked at me funny then caught on to what I was getting at. So we came up to check out of the store, just Randy and I. Julianne was waiting at the front register with her clipboard and pen ready to go. I went up first. She said hi and was hunched over checking off everything clearing that I didn’t steal any new clothes. As she was writing stuff I popped the question. I wasn’t very confident the first time that I asked and it was more of a weak squeak. “Julianne…what’s your status?” The pen stopped abruptly. She was still looking down and Randy’s eyes got big. I braced myself for what was to come. Here I was a 19 year old kid, and she was my 28 year old boss, she held the power to end my career stocking product at night gig. She looked up at me and her face was blushed, she was either flattered or infuriated, I was too young and dumb to be able to decifer a womans reaction. “What?” She looked at me quizzically. I cleared my throat and collected myself. “What’s your status?” She just kept looking at me. I felt so retarded, but the question was already out there my line was in the water and I was fighting for a bite. So I had no choice but to go all the way.
Randy was staying back and trying to keep from laughing. She put her hands on her hips and looked at me raising a brow. “What do you mean my status?” She might as well snapped her fingers back and forth with that sassy way that girls get ready to tear someone apart. “You know…your status.” She leaned forward. “My work status?” I knew that no matter what I said I was screwed. So I went in for the kill. I collected myself again and put on that Wortham charm. I had my normal savior-faire. “It’s ok Julianne, we can talk about your status over dinner sometime, if our schedules work out.” She had nothing to say back to that one. Her jaw hit the ground. I had the upper hand now! Element of suprise! I had to quickly gathered my things, gave her a nice sincere smile, and started for the door. I could hear Randy’s jaw hit the ground and him start laughing. I was not even halfway to the door when I could hear Julianne’s high heels click quickly up behind me on the tile floor. There was no way that I was going to make it to the door in time. I was screwed.
“Uh, Lawrence…what do you mean my status?” She caught up and was walking beside me. Randy was following behind eavesdropping to see what would happen. “Julianne it’s ok, I understand…we can discuss it more later over dinner, I’m kind of tired from working so hard.” We stepped out the first set of doors. “Wait. What? What do you mean?” She was so confused and taken aback that she didn’t know what to think. I continued to keep walking because I knew that I had to get out of that situation before she collected herself and killed me. I could feel the her wrath coming. That insane crazy boss lady wrath that everyone always talked about. Finally I reached my car. “I work the rest of the week, so we can talk about it then?” She was still freaking with confusion. “We’ll talk about this later.” She turned around and walked back into the store scratching her head. Randy was busting up laughing. “You are dead man.”
That night I came back into work and Kendra was the manager closing. When she was checking us in she pulled me aside and asked what I did to freak Julianne out so much. I explained the situation to Kendra and she laughed about it. She said that day Julianne was a wreck. She was so confused about what I did. That night I told Noah about what happened. He was relieved that he didn’t ask, but still wanted to know what her status was. We worked like normal throughout the night. In the morning guess who was the opening manager. Julianne. I saw her come in from across the store and ducked behind a clothing fixture. I crawled over to where Randy was in another department. “Randy…Julianne is opening! I’m screwed.” Randy just laughed. Well I successfully avoided Julianne until it was time to go. She had to check me out of the store. I was the last one out. As I walked up to the register she was waiting. “Ok…Lawrence…we need to talk.” I smiled. “Sure. About what? Did I forget to do something before leaving?” Play dumb. The only thing that I could come up with…idiot. “Lawrence, we can’t date. I have to make that clear. It’s not appropriate for managers to be going out to dinner with associates.” I looked at her a little confused but at the same time a look like, oh, ok I know what you’re saying. “Yeah, that’s too bad then. Noah was really hoping to take you out.” I caught her off guard again! “Wait. What?” I had her again! “Yeah, Noah was wanting to take you out to dinner.” She was starting to lose it again. “What?” I put on my charm again. “Look Julianne, it wouldn’t ever work out between us. I’m only 19 and you’re way out of my league…besides you’re my manager. How weird would that be? I told Noah that I would ask you what your status is.” What was I doing? I figured that my job had to of been on thin ice now. She just looked at me…confused. She had nothing to say or she was so much in shock that she couldn’t say anything. She finally said, “Well you know that we…that managers and associates…” I waved my hand. “I understand.” I started heading out. “So, Julianne…what should I tell Noah?” “Tell him what I told you.” I thought for a second. “Well…are you married?” She sighed, laughed, and said that she wasn’t married. Mission accomplished. What is your status? Not married. There you go Noah. Not married. Whip out the Michael Jackson doll and do your thing. I’m not hitting on managers for others again.
