I threw up for the first time because of the chemo. That was exciting. Not really. This last time at the doctors office while I was all plugged in and the chemo was doing its thing and I was minding my own business playing clash of clans on my iPad, then nausea hit me hard. I felt nauseous all morning I think from dreading the upcoming chemo treatment. It's not like its a fun thing to look forward to. I felt it coming and had to get up and roll my IV stand to the bathroom and let the nausea get the best of me. It was bound to happen sooner or later I'm sure. The chemo is getting more and more difficult. Your body can physically only take so much and doing this every other week is pretty tuff. I thought red flag days were bad. (Red flag days were the days that my wrestling coach put a red flag on the wrestling room door before practice...those were the practices that made you want to die.)
I faced a demon recently. Its known best by: Depression. Here's the story. So like I said chemo has been getting pretty difficult and really taking a toll on me physically. Only for a few days after chemo, then I'm back to my normal self. Anyway, I was having trouble sleeping I think it was last Friday night. I couldn't sleep at all. So at 3 AM I decide to sleep in the living room so I don't wake Nina up with my tossing and turning. As I laid there with just my thoughts I realized that this whole chemo thing sucks. It's really not that much fun. I didn't want to do it anymore. I was at a crossroad. I had a decision to make. I think you know what choice I made based on who I am. I could either be depressed and lose hope, or I could continue to fight. I choose not to be depressed. I control myself. I won't let depression or addiction or anyone or anything control me. I, and so do you, have this inherent ability within myself/yourself to choose. I, and so do you, have this inherent power within myself/yourself to act on what I choose. Could I be depressed? Oh yeah, that would be so easy to slip into, but it is very difficult to get out. How easy is it to slide down a hill covered in snow/ice? Pretty easy. How easy is it to climb up a hill covered in snow/ice? Not quite as easy is it? So what do we do to avoid depression? How do we get out of depression? Is it really hopeless? Is there no way out?
First off its not hopeless. There is always hope and you know that. Deep down you always know there is hope. If you are depressed, hope is a scary thing to face so it seems. Guess what? There is a flip side to that. If you are hopeful, depression is a scary thing to face too. In life, everything has its opposite. Even science proves that look at Newtons laws. For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction right? Apply that principle of physics to you and your life. Just know that there is always hope and you can do what you need to do to be happy. I know that depression is viewed in a variety of different ways. Can you ever really eliminate depression? No probably not. Can you suppress it or like cancer can depression be in remission? I think so. That's like saying can you really eliminate happiness? No, I don't think so.
So here is how I have faced the demon and chose to step past it.
1. Count your blessings.
Sounds cheesy I know, but there is some truth in the cheesiness. Really look at what you have, take an inventory of what makes you happy around you whatever it is. You need to see and realize that there are good things around you even in the worst of situations. Remember the story I shared from a man who was in concentration camps in WWII? Even he found that people could find happiness in their situation. I'm pretty sure that we can. Find and recognize the good.
2. Have a powerful talk with yourself and ask yourself some questions.
Yup. Talk to yourself...like a crazy person. Ok not like a crazy person, but do talk to yourself or have a friend/family listen and help. Ask yourself: Is this what I want? Do you want to be depressed? Do you want to be happy? What do you want? How can I obtain what I want? Any self evaluating questions you feel you need to ask yourself. I think by having a powerful talk with yourself you find your feet and you can ground yourself and feel confident that this is something that you can handle and manage. You need to keep yourself from being overwhelmed.
3. Take control of your situation and set some goals.
Get grounded and then grab the bull by the horns. When you realize what you have #1 and you know what you want #2 then you need to put them together and make some plans. See where you're at and see where you want to be then map it out. You don't have to go through life in the dark. By making plans you can have a better handle on the journey. Of course there are going to be bumps in the road and detours will be taken, but you will have what you need for the journey. You control the situation the situation does not control you. Unless you let it...but that's up to you.
4. Pray.
Ok I know that not everyone does this or believes in God, but you need to do something that is special to you. Whether its prayer, meditate, chant, you can even dance around I don't know. I like to pray and meditate. Whether its seeking divine help or simply clearing your mind and being at peace, you need to feel some sort of serenity and comfort in life. You need to find your self and feel ok about that. You need to feel ok about everything. In a previous post I used the example of the Savior calming the sea in two different situations. You need the calm in the midst of the storm. Help is there if you want it.
5. Make commitments.
These are like goals, but I think of them as being more committed and serious. You need to commit to improving something. Keep them simple at first. Things that you know you can accomplish, celebrate, and feel the success that you can have. A commitment is saying "I will..." and actually doing it. Commitment helps with determination. You need to be determined and committed to yourself and your happiness.
6. Do it to it!
Ok now get back to doing what truly makes you happy. Get back to enjoying life. Stay active, stay busy, stay happy. You may not be where you want to be but you are heading in the right direction. You are moving towards what you want and that should make you happy.
Well my friends, I hope this post isn't too much. I want you to know that I'm happy and I'm satisfied with life. Life is good. I'm excited for the holidays. I'm happy with what I have in life and I'm working hard for bigger and better things.
So here is how I have faced the demon and chose to step past it.
1. Count your blessings.
Sounds cheesy I know, but there is some truth in the cheesiness. Really look at what you have, take an inventory of what makes you happy around you whatever it is. You need to see and realize that there are good things around you even in the worst of situations. Remember the story I shared from a man who was in concentration camps in WWII? Even he found that people could find happiness in their situation. I'm pretty sure that we can. Find and recognize the good.
2. Have a powerful talk with yourself and ask yourself some questions.
Yup. Talk to yourself...like a crazy person. Ok not like a crazy person, but do talk to yourself or have a friend/family listen and help. Ask yourself: Is this what I want? Do you want to be depressed? Do you want to be happy? What do you want? How can I obtain what I want? Any self evaluating questions you feel you need to ask yourself. I think by having a powerful talk with yourself you find your feet and you can ground yourself and feel confident that this is something that you can handle and manage. You need to keep yourself from being overwhelmed.
3. Take control of your situation and set some goals.
Get grounded and then grab the bull by the horns. When you realize what you have #1 and you know what you want #2 then you need to put them together and make some plans. See where you're at and see where you want to be then map it out. You don't have to go through life in the dark. By making plans you can have a better handle on the journey. Of course there are going to be bumps in the road and detours will be taken, but you will have what you need for the journey. You control the situation the situation does not control you. Unless you let it...but that's up to you.
4. Pray.
Ok I know that not everyone does this or believes in God, but you need to do something that is special to you. Whether its prayer, meditate, chant, you can even dance around I don't know. I like to pray and meditate. Whether its seeking divine help or simply clearing your mind and being at peace, you need to feel some sort of serenity and comfort in life. You need to find your self and feel ok about that. You need to feel ok about everything. In a previous post I used the example of the Savior calming the sea in two different situations. You need the calm in the midst of the storm. Help is there if you want it.
5. Make commitments.
These are like goals, but I think of them as being more committed and serious. You need to commit to improving something. Keep them simple at first. Things that you know you can accomplish, celebrate, and feel the success that you can have. A commitment is saying "I will..." and actually doing it. Commitment helps with determination. You need to be determined and committed to yourself and your happiness.
6. Do it to it!
Ok now get back to doing what truly makes you happy. Get back to enjoying life. Stay active, stay busy, stay happy. You may not be where you want to be but you are heading in the right direction. You are moving towards what you want and that should make you happy.
Well my friends, I hope this post isn't too much. I want you to know that I'm happy and I'm satisfied with life. Life is good. I'm excited for the holidays. I'm happy with what I have in life and I'm working hard for bigger and better things.
