So new updates on my dear friend Hodge. Life has definitely thrown some twists our way, but we are fighters we do not back down! I have always thought of life as an uphill (pronounced up hill not u-fill) climb sometimes the views are spectacular and the hike is awesome. Sometimes it feels as if you are hiking against a rock slide and everything is coming down against you. You have a few choices in situations like that. You can allow yourself to be carried away down hill and continue from square one or you can root your steps and press on. It may be easier to be carried down hill but the strain of pressing on carries you to new heights. Deep and profound, I know. (winky face).
So here is the DL of our sitch. DL = down low. Sitch = situation. I'm cool I know. Nina's insurance has dropped us so we no longer have insurance. Nina didn't meet the required amount of hours in a quarter to keep the insurance. Starbucks is always cutting employees off work early because they are behind on budget and don't schedule enough people on busy days. So they are either very short staffed or way overstaffed and send people home. So we have been scrambling trying to get assistance and get everything all worked out so that we can pay medical bills and surgeries and procedures and doctor visits. Everything has been put on hold until we figure out what is going on. Doctors don't like working unless they are paid. I can't blame them for that.
My advice is either have insurance solidly or don't have it at all. Now that I have been talking to the doctor's offices about paying cash they have lowered their prices like CRAZY. It's cheaper paying cash for all this stuff than having insurance! They charged insurance for the biopsy $6000 and we had to pay 20% so around $2000. For the surgery to put the port in my chest they said if I were to pay cash it would be $500. I'm starting to think maybe not having insurance is a good thing. The only down side is that you have to manage it all yourself, which isn't something I want to do on top of dance around with Hodge, school, and work. We opened a new savings account that family and friends can deposit little donations to help out and I am so impressed with how many people want to help. You really don't realize how amazing people are. I am forever grateful and I don't want to say that I feel obligated to return the amazing-ness of everyone, but I definitely feel much more motivated to reach out to others in need and do everything I can to help them. This experience has put a renewed perspective on life for me.
Here is a little update on how I am feeling physically. I am noticing that I get exhausted a lot faster than usual. Energy just seems to get sapped from me much quicker than it usually would so it is difficult to pace myself when doing anything. I'm used to going full speed all day everyday and now I go full speed for a little bit then crash, sit down, wait, and recover then go at it again. I literally walk Zoey about three blocks and get tired and have to take a break. It's so strange to me to feel this way. I sleep terrible. I can't get comfortable, I get hot then cold then hot then cold. I wake up super early and have to get up and do something until I get tired again and try to get more sleep. I still occasionally get the chest pain but not quite as frequent as two months ago when it was almost constant. My neck isn't as sore from the biopsy but I've got a pretty gnarly scar that I'm now proud of. What guy doesn't like battle scars?
Here is a little update on how I am feeling spiritually. There are two events that happen in the New Testament that I've been thinking about lately. Both involve the Savior calming the sea. The first time you can find it in Matthew chapter 8:
23 And when he was entered into a ship, his disciples followed him.
24 And, behold, there arose a great tempest in the sea, insomuch that the ship was covered with the waves: but he was asleep.
25 And his disciples came to him, and awoke him, saying, Lord, save us: we perish.
26 And he saith unto them, Why are ye fearful, O ye of little faith? Then he arose, and rebuked the winds and the sea; and there was a great calm.
27 But the men marvelled, saying, What manner of man is this, that even the winds and the sea obey him!
So the Savior and his disciples get on a boat and while they are sailing there is a storm that is getting pretty bad and freaking everybody out. Christ is snoozin' and they come to Him, He comes out and calms the sea. Here is another time that He calmed the sea in Matthew chapter 14:
22 And straightway Jesus constrained his disciples to get into a ship, and to go before him unto the other side, while he sent the multitudes away.
23 And when he had sent the multitudes away, he went up into a mountain apart to pray: and when the evening was come, he was there alone.
24 But the ship was not in the midst of the sea, tossed with waves; for the wind was contrary.
25 And in the fourth watch of the night Jesus went unto them, walking on the sea.
26 And when the disciples saw him walking on the sea, they were troubled, saying, It is a spirit; and they cried out for fear.
27 But straightway Jesus spake unto them, saying, Be of good cheer; it is I; Be not afraid.
28 And Peter answered him and said, Lord, if it be thou, bid me come unto thee on the water.
29 And he said, Come. And when Peter was come down out of the ship, he walked on the water, to go to Jesus.
30 But when he saw the wind boisterous, he was afraid; and beginning to sink, he cried, saying, Lord, save me.
31 And immediately Jesus stretched forth his hand, and caught him, and said unto him, O thou of little faith, wherefore didst thou doubt?
32 And when they were come into the ship, the wind ceased.
33 Then they that were in the ship came and worshiped him, saying, Of a truth thou art the Son of God.
Ok, so this time the Lord sends them to the ship before him after they fed the 5000 people and He goes up the mountain to pray. The guys on the ship are running into some rough water from the wind that is picking up and the waves growing. They see Christ walking on the water towards them and freak out a little bit, but He calls them and they recognize Him. Peter calls out to Him and Peter walks out towards Him on the water. Once Peter starts to notice the storm and become distracted from the Savior he sinks in the water and calls for the Lord. Christ pulls him up immediately and they walk back to the boat. Here is the interesting part to me and one of the significant differences in these two very similar situations. Christ walks back with Peter to the ship in the midst of the storm and the storm doesn't cease until they reach the boat. The Savior "calmed the storm" inside of Peter. The winds and the waves were still going while they walked back, but Peter was comforted.
President Dieter F. Uchtdorf in a recent general conference mentioned that we should doubt our doubts before we doubt our faith. What great advice. Sometimes the Lord will calm the storm around us (Matt 8) and sometimes He will calm the storm inside of us in the midst of storms (Matt 14). The storm may continue to rage but we can take comfort in the storm all the same. In the end things work out, no worries. Everything is going to be ok in the end, and if it's not ok then it's not the end. Press on.
Friday, August 15, 2014
Saturday, August 9, 2014
Me and my friend Hodge
So, I'm sure a lot of you have heard through the grapevine (CCR sweet band) that I have come down with this little thing called Hodgkin's Lymphoma. Translate that and basically it is cancer in the lymphatic system. Don't get too freaked out though apparently its super treatable and responds well to modern treatments. That's the upside to it; the downside is that the treatment sucks. I'm not too sure at this point what stage I'm at, it is atleast a stage II. Which means that it is noticeably in two areas of my sexy body. My chest and neck. I have a few more tests to complete to have a better idea what stage Hodge is on. There are four possible stages that Hodge could be on. I have to get a full body scan to make sure it's not anywhere besides chest and neck, I have to have bone marrow taken out and tested to make sure it's not in the bones, I will have to get an ultrasound of my heart make sure it's health for treatment which I'm sure it is, and get a port put in my chest. All of this here in the next two weeks. Plus I have work and school is starting up on the 25th, what a crazy life! Well that's the most updated info that I have for you, but here is how it all started and when I started noticing it.
During this year I have noticed that I am tired quite a bit, like physically fatigued. Nina and I supposed that it was from the ridiculous work/school/church load that I constantly put on myself. I work 40-50 hours a week, I go to school full time, I'm involved in church activities and callings. Since I've come home from serving a LDS full time mission in Thailand for two years I've been assigned as an elder's quorum president. That has literally been the only calling I've had for the last 7 years until just recently. We figured that I was just tired from overworking myself and stress. We didn't think much of it.
I also noticed quite a while ago that my arms and legs (around my ankles) are itchy often. There isn't a rash or any visible sign of what would be causing them to be so dang itchy. After a while I started thinking why won't the itchiness go away.
In June I started having some chest pain. It wasn't my whole chest it was on the right side between some lower ribs. It wasn't all the time pain it would come and go, but when it hit me it was a sharp stabbing pain. I'm pretty active so I thought that I pulled a rib, or strained something working out or playing basketball. I figured that it would heal with time and go away. For about two weeks it wasn't really going away. That's when I noticed a lump on my neck.
While I was shaving one day I noticed that one side at the base of my neck where the collar bone meets (the right side) was a little bulgy, and I felt it and it felt like a lump was forming. I felt the other side to compare and sure enough that one side was different. That's when I started thinking that something was up. I waited a few days to see if it would go down but it didn't go away. It didn't really keep growing there was just a bump there that wasn't going away. So after a few days we looked up a family doctor and went in.
We went and saw Dr. Hubbard, and he felt around my chest and neck and we talked about how I was feeling. He wanted to do some blood work and scan my chest and neck area just to be safe. He explained that it could be a number of things from something really minor but it could also be serious so it would be best to be safe and check. So we did and the blood work came back perfectly ok. The CT scan though came back saying that my lymph nodes were abnormally swollen. So because of that I was referred to an oncologist, which is a doctor more familiar with cancer stuff. Dr. Te (oncologist) recommended that we get a biopsy done and see if it is lymphoma. Nina was pretty freaked out, nobody likes hearing the bad news or worse case situations, but she's held up pretty well. My attitude is lets just get this over with and let me keep on enjoying life.
From Dr. Te we went and met Dr. Meyers the biopsy guy. He explained everything that they were gonna do and where to take the sample from. He decided right from my neck was easiest and best. So we scheduled an appointment to do the surgery at the hospital. Hospitals are always fun, they charge you a ton, but at least the staff was fun and friendly. We checked in and I changed into the bare butt gown, waited around while they did all the prep stuff, and the last thing I remember was wheeling down the halls with the anesthesia guy to the operating room. When I woke up some nurse lady was trying to feed me ice and give me crackers to eat. My neck was pretty sore since he had to cut through muscle and stuff to get to the lymph node. The next couple days were nerve racking because we were just hoping that the news would come back negative for lymphoma. But a couple days later we got a phone call from Dr. Meyers that the results came in and I had Hodgkin's Lymphoma and it was at least a stage II. Awesome.
It doesn't really matter how much you brace yourself for the worst news possible when you hear it, it isn't necessarily devastating, it's just disappointing. Mostly the disappointment is the fact that you know where things go from that point. It's not bad but it's not going to be good. You know from the start that the road ahead is bumpy and it's going to take effort to continue.
That's brings us up to where I am now. Few more tests to go just to make sure that it's not further than stage II. And months of chemo/radiation ahead of me. It's do-able. There are lots of people that I will probably meet in the future now that will go through similar things. I know that I will be able to help them just like others have stepped into my life to help me. I'm not just beating this cancer thing for myself, but I'm doing it because I love my family, I love my friends, and I know that this experience will turn out to be a good thing for a lot of people. It will be an opportunity for a lot of people to grow, to come together, and to look back on and just be another one of those stories that we laugh at every time we tell it sitting around a table.
During this year I have noticed that I am tired quite a bit, like physically fatigued. Nina and I supposed that it was from the ridiculous work/school/church load that I constantly put on myself. I work 40-50 hours a week, I go to school full time, I'm involved in church activities and callings. Since I've come home from serving a LDS full time mission in Thailand for two years I've been assigned as an elder's quorum president. That has literally been the only calling I've had for the last 7 years until just recently. We figured that I was just tired from overworking myself and stress. We didn't think much of it.
I also noticed quite a while ago that my arms and legs (around my ankles) are itchy often. There isn't a rash or any visible sign of what would be causing them to be so dang itchy. After a while I started thinking why won't the itchiness go away.
In June I started having some chest pain. It wasn't my whole chest it was on the right side between some lower ribs. It wasn't all the time pain it would come and go, but when it hit me it was a sharp stabbing pain. I'm pretty active so I thought that I pulled a rib, or strained something working out or playing basketball. I figured that it would heal with time and go away. For about two weeks it wasn't really going away. That's when I noticed a lump on my neck.
While I was shaving one day I noticed that one side at the base of my neck where the collar bone meets (the right side) was a little bulgy, and I felt it and it felt like a lump was forming. I felt the other side to compare and sure enough that one side was different. That's when I started thinking that something was up. I waited a few days to see if it would go down but it didn't go away. It didn't really keep growing there was just a bump there that wasn't going away. So after a few days we looked up a family doctor and went in.
We went and saw Dr. Hubbard, and he felt around my chest and neck and we talked about how I was feeling. He wanted to do some blood work and scan my chest and neck area just to be safe. He explained that it could be a number of things from something really minor but it could also be serious so it would be best to be safe and check. So we did and the blood work came back perfectly ok. The CT scan though came back saying that my lymph nodes were abnormally swollen. So because of that I was referred to an oncologist, which is a doctor more familiar with cancer stuff. Dr. Te (oncologist) recommended that we get a biopsy done and see if it is lymphoma. Nina was pretty freaked out, nobody likes hearing the bad news or worse case situations, but she's held up pretty well. My attitude is lets just get this over with and let me keep on enjoying life.
From Dr. Te we went and met Dr. Meyers the biopsy guy. He explained everything that they were gonna do and where to take the sample from. He decided right from my neck was easiest and best. So we scheduled an appointment to do the surgery at the hospital. Hospitals are always fun, they charge you a ton, but at least the staff was fun and friendly. We checked in and I changed into the bare butt gown, waited around while they did all the prep stuff, and the last thing I remember was wheeling down the halls with the anesthesia guy to the operating room. When I woke up some nurse lady was trying to feed me ice and give me crackers to eat. My neck was pretty sore since he had to cut through muscle and stuff to get to the lymph node. The next couple days were nerve racking because we were just hoping that the news would come back negative for lymphoma. But a couple days later we got a phone call from Dr. Meyers that the results came in and I had Hodgkin's Lymphoma and it was at least a stage II. Awesome.
It doesn't really matter how much you brace yourself for the worst news possible when you hear it, it isn't necessarily devastating, it's just disappointing. Mostly the disappointment is the fact that you know where things go from that point. It's not bad but it's not going to be good. You know from the start that the road ahead is bumpy and it's going to take effort to continue.
That's brings us up to where I am now. Few more tests to go just to make sure that it's not further than stage II. And months of chemo/radiation ahead of me. It's do-able. There are lots of people that I will probably meet in the future now that will go through similar things. I know that I will be able to help them just like others have stepped into my life to help me. I'm not just beating this cancer thing for myself, but I'm doing it because I love my family, I love my friends, and I know that this experience will turn out to be a good thing for a lot of people. It will be an opportunity for a lot of people to grow, to come together, and to look back on and just be another one of those stories that we laugh at every time we tell it sitting around a table.
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