So new updates on my dear friend Hodge. Life has definitely thrown some twists our way, but we are fighters we do not back down! I have always thought of life as an uphill (pronounced up hill not u-fill) climb sometimes the views are spectacular and the hike is awesome. Sometimes it feels as if you are hiking against a rock slide and everything is coming down against you. You have a few choices in situations like that. You can allow yourself to be carried away down hill and continue from square one or you can root your steps and press on. It may be easier to be carried down hill but the strain of pressing on carries you to new heights. Deep and profound, I know. (winky face).
So here is the DL of our sitch. DL = down low. Sitch = situation. I'm cool I know. Nina's insurance has dropped us so we no longer have insurance. Nina didn't meet the required amount of hours in a quarter to keep the insurance. Starbucks is always cutting employees off work early because they are behind on budget and don't schedule enough people on busy days. So they are either very short staffed or way overstaffed and send people home. So we have been scrambling trying to get assistance and get everything all worked out so that we can pay medical bills and surgeries and procedures and doctor visits. Everything has been put on hold until we figure out what is going on. Doctors don't like working unless they are paid. I can't blame them for that.
My advice is either have insurance solidly or don't have it at all. Now that I have been talking to the doctor's offices about paying cash they have lowered their prices like CRAZY. It's cheaper paying cash for all this stuff than having insurance! They charged insurance for the biopsy $6000 and we had to pay 20% so around $2000. For the surgery to put the port in my chest they said if I were to pay cash it would be $500. I'm starting to think maybe not having insurance is a good thing. The only down side is that you have to manage it all yourself, which isn't something I want to do on top of dance around with Hodge, school, and work. We opened a new savings account that family and friends can deposit little donations to help out and I am so impressed with how many people want to help. You really don't realize how amazing people are. I am forever grateful and I don't want to say that I feel obligated to return the amazing-ness of everyone, but I definitely feel much more motivated to reach out to others in need and do everything I can to help them. This experience has put a renewed perspective on life for me.
Here is a little update on how I am feeling physically. I am noticing that I get exhausted a lot faster than usual. Energy just seems to get sapped from me much quicker than it usually would so it is difficult to pace myself when doing anything. I'm used to going full speed all day everyday and now I go full speed for a little bit then crash, sit down, wait, and recover then go at it again. I literally walk Zoey about three blocks and get tired and have to take a break. It's so strange to me to feel this way. I sleep terrible. I can't get comfortable, I get hot then cold then hot then cold. I wake up super early and have to get up and do something until I get tired again and try to get more sleep. I still occasionally get the chest pain but not quite as frequent as two months ago when it was almost constant. My neck isn't as sore from the biopsy but I've got a pretty gnarly scar that I'm now proud of. What guy doesn't like battle scars?
Here is a little update on how I am feeling spiritually. There are two events that happen in the New Testament that I've been thinking about lately. Both involve the Savior calming the sea. The first time you can find it in Matthew chapter 8:
23 And when he was entered into a ship, his disciples followed him.
24 And, behold, there arose a great tempest in the sea, insomuch that the ship was covered with the waves: but he was asleep.
25 And his disciples came to him, and awoke him, saying, Lord, save us: we perish.
26 And he saith unto them, Why are ye fearful, O ye of little faith? Then he arose, and rebuked the winds and the sea; and there was a great calm.
27 But the men marvelled, saying, What manner of man is this, that even the winds and the sea obey him!
So the Savior and his disciples get on a boat and while they are sailing there is a storm that is getting pretty bad and freaking everybody out. Christ is snoozin' and they come to Him, He comes out and calms the sea. Here is another time that He calmed the sea in Matthew chapter 14:
22 And straightway Jesus constrained his disciples to get into a ship, and to go before him unto the other side, while he sent the multitudes away.
23 And when he had sent the multitudes away, he went up into a mountain apart to pray: and when the evening was come, he was there alone.
24 But the ship was not in the midst of the sea, tossed with waves; for the wind was contrary.
25 And in the fourth watch of the night Jesus went unto them, walking on the sea.
26 And when the disciples saw him walking on the sea, they were troubled, saying, It is a spirit; and they cried out for fear.
27 But straightway Jesus spake unto them, saying, Be of good cheer; it is I; Be not afraid.
28 And Peter answered him and said, Lord, if it be thou, bid me come unto thee on the water.
29 And he said, Come. And when Peter was come down out of the ship, he walked on the water, to go to Jesus.
30 But when he saw the wind boisterous, he was afraid; and beginning to sink, he cried, saying, Lord, save me.
31 And immediately Jesus stretched forth his hand, and caught him, and said unto him, O thou of little faith, wherefore didst thou doubt?
32 And when they were come into the ship, the wind ceased.
33 Then they that were in the ship came and worshiped him, saying, Of a truth thou art the Son of God.
Ok, so this time the Lord sends them to the ship before him after they fed the 5000 people and He goes up the mountain to pray. The guys on the ship are running into some rough water from the wind that is picking up and the waves growing. They see Christ walking on the water towards them and freak out a little bit, but He calls them and they recognize Him. Peter calls out to Him and Peter walks out towards Him on the water. Once Peter starts to notice the storm and become distracted from the Savior he sinks in the water and calls for the Lord. Christ pulls him up immediately and they walk back to the boat. Here is the interesting part to me and one of the significant differences in these two very similar situations. Christ walks back with Peter to the ship in the midst of the storm and the storm doesn't cease until they reach the boat. The Savior "calmed the storm" inside of Peter. The winds and the waves were still going while they walked back, but Peter was comforted.
President Dieter F. Uchtdorf in a recent general conference mentioned that we should doubt our doubts before we doubt our faith. What great advice. Sometimes the Lord will calm the storm around us (Matt 8) and sometimes He will calm the storm inside of us in the midst of storms (Matt 14). The storm may continue to rage but we can take comfort in the storm all the same. In the end things work out, no worries. Everything is going to be ok in the end, and if it's not ok then it's not the end. Press on.
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