This time around (round 2) wasn't as bad as the first round of chemo. I definitely was fatigued and super tired. Food tasted awful. Water tasted like metal. All in all we knew what to expect minus the hair loss. While getting chemo we had a lot more people getting chemo the same time as us so the room of comfy recliners was full of husbands getting pumped with chemo and wives supporting them. Funny thing is that all of us had lymphoma of some sort. I was the youngest out of everyone. Its funny how people think that all cancer patients are weak, miserable, and in pain. All of us in the room were joking and talking about life and hiking and stuff. People don't even realize that I have cancer unless I tell them. Here's an example, I was at work and I was helping a lady with some computer stuff in our business room. I had my head shaved, and she asked if I was in the military because of the short buzz and she said I had a look like I had it all together...whatever that means. I told her no and we were talking and came out that I had cancer which is why I had no hair. Her whole demeanor changed when she heard that even though we were joking and laughing just before that. I'm not upset or frustrated at all with out she treated me right after that I think it's funny. She immediately talked as if I was on the floor injured and was three years old. "Oh my gosh! I'm so sorry, are you ok? Can I do anything for you?" I laughed and said that she could buy me lunch. Winky face. We laughed it off. She never did buy me lunch though...
I had a friend say that she knew how I felt regarding people treating you different. She knew that she didn't mean with the cancer, but she compared it to pregnancy. I agree. It's like people are trying to help you walk across a bed of nails even though you can walk normal without assistance. Its ok though best just to have fun with it. Another way cancer people are like prego people, no sushi...NOOOOOO!!!! I've been bummed about that one...no sushi. What a sad story. To all the ladies in the world, I have a new found respect for you. Especially all you crazy pregnant ladies of the world. You are all a bunch of rockstars in my mind. Super moms.
I love hearing people tell me that I look great and that I can do it. It's unfortunate that I had to be diagnosed with cancer before I could have people tell me that I look great. I must have been hideous before. Also I get this a lot, "you can do it we are all pulling for you." Before this is probably what I've been told my whole life, "Lawrence, are you sure about that?" "I'm not too sure about that Lawrence, be careful."
Oh! Another interesting thing while we were at the doctors this last time we looked at my blood lab results for all the blood count and stuff. Before we did the first treatment my white blood cell count level was a 9.8 which is a little above normal apparently...I don't know I'm no doctor I just trust what they tell me. Before the second treatment it dropped down to 2.7, which is pretty low. I have to be careful not to get sick, I've considered living in a portable bubble and becoming a real life bubble boy. Could be fun right? It would be like when I wore an inflatable sumo suit to go bowling.
Ok I have a question for all of you feel free to comment if you want. Normally this is where I'll go off on things that I've had on my mind. I want to hear your opinion, or at the least I hope that this causes you to think and consider your potential. I love talking about potential. I think we under value ourselves a lot of the time. Reality vs. Rationalization vs. Righteousness. Lets call this the three "R"'s. Why do we limit ourselves? Before you give a big long explanation as to why we limit ourselves or why others limit themselves. This needs to be self-reflective. It does you no good to evaluate another and never yourself. That is a limit that you place on yourself. I want you to answer this: Why do you limit yourself? In reality what factors are at play? In reality can you actually obtain what you see? What rationalizations do we make for doing or not doing something? Is it the right thing to do? Do we feel good/bad about it?
I am curious now what answers you may have. Why do you limit yourself? How do you limit yourself? How can you overcome these limitations? Pick a dream job, or a dream anything. Write it out on a piece of paper. Find out what steps would need to be taken to reach that anything. Really ask yourself is this something that you can work towards? There are people out there that are doing things that most would feel too inadequate to do. I've met a guy here in St. George that physically can not use his legs and he's driving a car around town. He and I'm sure with the help of others found a way to overcome limitations. So when you choose your dream anything, go ahead a list out your "limitations" and then find ways to overcome the limitation. Ask for help sometimes others can see ways or have experienced ways around certain limitations. I don't know why I'm on this thing with limitations but I think we are all amazing people and capable of so much. I love seeing people succeed and realize their potential. This may sound selfish, but I have been hearing people tell me that I'm inspiring and so on. I want you to inspire me. I want you to do something that you feel to limited to do, small or great, and I want you to inspire me. I am so glad that I have been an inspiration to others, but I need some inspiration. This will sound super cheesy, like Mr. Rogers cheesy, but I want you to go and be awesome, because you are awesome. Ready, Set, Go.
Me as a much cooler Mr. Rogers
